Aktualisiert: 15. Juni 2020
I have always been "the fat friend", and though I am what's categorized as a mid-fat, those around me were always much smaller than I. I definitely had moments where I wanted to change who I was, but by time I went to college, I felt a lot more confident in who I was. I was a big girl who could dance her ass off and was known for my personal style. Fashion was my armor and dancing was my validation. It was fine if I was "the fat girl" because I knew my style was fierce, I had a connection with my body through dance and nobody could take that from me.
About 9 years ago when I first met my husband, I learned that outside of clothing and in intimate settings I wasn't as confident. My breast was already sagging at 18, I was never considered attractive by my crushes, and I had never been naked with a partner. He was my first everything. I think the first time being disrobed was the first time I felt truly exposed and terrified of being rejected for my fatness.
Today I can say I don't feel that terror anymore. I'm the fattest I've ever been and I'm learning to be fine with being exposed and vulnerable. However, one thing I didn't realize and am now having to confront is that self-love and comfort in my skin don't equate sexual confidence. I really thought that this would be when I harness my sexual power and embraced my inner sexual goddess lol....
My body and I haven't quite gotten on the same page, but that's ok. At this part in my journey, I'm learning that I now have to address some things mentally that I have buried under all the years of fighting to love and accept my fatness. I'm also been forced to relearn my body after facing an injury that made me put dancing on hold. I'm ready and excited for what's next in this relationship with myself, and I think this portrait is a great start. "
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